Separation and divorce can be difficult and may present emotional challenges for adults and children. Your children may need extra love, time, attention, and stability to deal with these changes. Get support from family, friends, support groups, and professionals so that you have the energy to help your children.
Try to remember that most families make it through a separation or divorce and can be happy, well-adjusted children and parents. But if you or your children have problems that just do not seem to go away, ask your doctor, a parenting educator, or a counselor for help.
Children are very different and have individual needs, depending on their relationship with their parents, their maturity level, and their extended family, friends, community, cultural background, and other factors.
So, there is no “one size fits all” parenting plan for children of different ages. Children usually need some consistency in both parents’ homes to help them get used to the changes. You need to find a way to talk to the other parent about your children on a regular basis. This will help you avoid misunderstandings and keep small problems from getting big.
Peer groups to be consider
Infants, Toddlers and Pre-School
- Tend to have a primary bond but can bond to several people
- Need a consistent schedule and lots of nurturing
- Have difficulty tolerating long separations from the primary caregiver
- The schedule should provide more frequent, shorter periods of time with the other parent
School-Age Children
- Need an emotional foundation that provides confidence and self-worth
- The schedule should allow them to focus on school
Pre-Adolescents
- Need help with school and peer problems
- The schedule should allow them to spend time doing organized activities and communicating with friends
Adolescents
- Want their plans to be important, too
- May prefer to have a “home base”
- Need consistent rules in both households
- The schedule should be flexible
- May want to spend time with their peers, rather than their parents
- When preparing your proposal for a parenting plan, keep in mind the following:
When to prepare your proposal for a parenting plan, keep in mind the following:
- The child’s age, developmental stage and needs.
- The child’s temperament and how the child deals with change.
- The child’s attachment to each parent and to his/her siblings.
- Previous parenting arrangements. If a parent has never been part of a child’s life or has not had contact with the child for an extended period, contact should start slowly and gradually increase as the child adjusts and feels comfortable.
- The child’s school, extracurricular, and social activities.
- Both parents’ strengths and weaknesses.
- Providing a consistent, simple, and predictable schedule with smooth transitions between the parents’ homes.
- Ensuring that the child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents, when safe to do so.
- Where both parents reside and their work schedules.
- The level of conflict between the parents. (Higher levels of conflict require more detailed parenting plans.)
- Safety concerns: domestic violence, child abuse, substance abuse, serious mental or emotional disorders. When a child’s physical or emotional safety is at risk, it is necessary to protect the child. Parents should seek help from a mental health professional, an attorney, court services, domestic abuse agency, or local social service agency.