After finalizing legal child custody, it is important to know how you talk to each other and to your children can make a big difference. Try to think about the other parent as a business partner. Acting “businesslike” may help get your mind off the pain and stress so you can focus better on your children. Here are some tips:
- Be polite, just like you would be at work.
- Stay on the subject. Focus on doing what is best for your children.
- Control your emotions, just like you would do at work.
- Be clear and specific when you talk to the other parent. Write things down and keep businesslike records of important agreements.
- Keep your promises. Your children need to be able to trust and rely on you. This is very important right now.
- Watch the words you use when you talk about divorce.
- Consider providing an email address to communicate specifically regarding parenting issues.
Working Together as Parents
There are different ways for parents to work together after separating:
- Some work together as a team. They respect and support each other.
- Some have a more distant, businesslike relationship. They are not friends, but they talk about important issues, plan their households, and find ways to work out disagreements.
- Others do not fight, but they do not talk much either. They avoid fights by keeping each household separate.
- Some parents also have to deal with abuse or violence. These parents need to think about how to protect themselves and their children, and how to stop being violent.
Parallel Parenting
- Each parent raises the children independently of the other parent.
- Parents talk to one another only in an emergency.
- There is little consistency between homes.
- There is less flexibility for both children and parents.
- May be necessary in high-conflict situations.
Cooperative Parenting
- Parents work together in raising their children in two homes.
- Parents talk regularly.
- There is more consistency between homes.
- Major decisions are made together.
- There is more flexibility for both children and parents.
- Transitions are usually smoother for children.